Saturday, October 14, 2006 @ 12:04 AM
Dear Trackists,
I know some of you are not going to make it for tomorrow (14/10/06) training. So I shall make some speech here and take this chance to make things clear to every single one of you.
First off, I would like to apologise for my foolish act:
by bringing in my own personal feelings and problems and mix it with Trackists trainings and so on. I'm very sorry for acting like some idiotic zombie showing some stupid grumpy face, especially when we were about to go for helping out at Open House today.
Next, I believe that i owe you guys an explanation to the above and it is about time to provide a reasoning. I would have to admit my life is in quite a chaos right now at this point of time whereby my pillars in life holding my aspirations collapsed all in one go. Putting personal matters like family stuffs aside,
the main reason why I got so frustrated is the fact that XAC will have to cease to exist. It is a great blow to the Exco as well as the enthusiastic members like most of you, and frankly speaking with that much planning for the sake of XAC we felt cheated, betrayed, whatever you name it. What's so impacting is that I have viewed XAC as one promising club-to-be and treated it as my soul. To make things worse, your good friend here had made a promise for trainings to be as fun as possible and I was just giving empty promises, in the end giving more disappointments
I cannot bring myself to blame the teachers 'cos if I had to blame it would be the school's administration for putting pressure. But I'm a human still and it's kind of hard to accept that all this was just an illusion to get us into a trap. And if everything stops there, I would have taken it more lightly. Cherlynn posted me one question randomly after hearing you guys discuss after meeting with Mr Ang. That put me in great dilemma. She asked
"Are you guys still having individual trainings after we change our name officially? Even when we are all under the team Track & Field?". I thought she had a point there. We have become a team doing the same thing already. So what am I going to do? Discriminate others by having our own small clique here and train extra? Or to open up to all others, but at the risk of losing our own clique time and fun with that?
At that point of time, I couldn't think of a win-win solution. I was really at lost but I guess it was selfish of me to keep it to myself till now as I didn't want you guys to worry.
Now I hope it isn't too late for me to gather the fellowship again to stand by me and come up with something. I hope what we initially believed in will still remain, and the bond will last for as long as it can hold. That, will be a discussion I will hold with all of you soon. For now, I hope to redeem myself for all the dumb things I've done that made me seems, in fact, like a loser that ain't fit to lead all of you. I promise to learn from that and I swear to try hard and keep things going as long as I still have pulse and you guys have the passion. In the meantime, feel free to feedback to me on anything literally, good or bad so long as it is not too crappy. With that, I hope to see all of you around.
Sincerely,
JC
